Is It Me...

As I think about my role as a teacher at The School (I've been in one of those reflective spaces), I wonder is it me?

Seriously, one of my instructors problematized or should I say, challenged how I'd previously thought about this project.  While I wasn't naive in thinking that my presence in the class, who I am as a Black female psuedo-revolutionary :) [lol] wouldn't have ANY effect on how they engaged with the texts we read, I don't think I truly wrapped my brain around answering the question, "Well if that's the case, then to what extent IS IT ME?" 

Although I've already collected data for the first unit, I wonder:

• Did I inadvertently skew how my boys interpreted "Girl?"
• Did I under/overemphasize aspects of gender without even realizing it?  What did I take for granted? 
• Did my "need" to simplify the terminology give away my aims?
• Would someone who was my polar opposite (white male cannon toter) elicit similar responses?
• Did I pay enough attention to the silences that my own racial/gendered identity could have missed?

Keeping these questions in mind as I analyze my data will be key. 

hmmm...

That Crazy Follower...

This past weekend and for part of last week, I attended the NAIS PoC Conference.  It was time well spent in sunny San Diego, re-evaluating the space(s) I occupy as a person of color in a predominately white context.
While the whole "who am I?" mode of thinking isn't new to me, there were a few gems that I gathered while among my colleagues (both of color and not).

The first came from a TedTalk on following and  the power/influence being a follower has.  I wasn't familiar with this particular TedTalk, but it was powerful.  Followers fuel the causes of leaders.  They determine, in large part, whether a movement actually goes anywhere.  It was interesting to sit in the audience and think, why then do we constantly tell kids they should be leaders and not followers?  I've been pondering this question for several days.

I mean, isn't this exactly what we want/expect our students to do when we "get up there and teach?"  We want them to believe in us, even if we're a little bit crazy.  We want them to trust the journey and learn with us.  We want them to be followers.  Almost counterintuitively, however, we stifle their ability to follow well.  I began to think about the inadvertent ways I do this sometimes:

• when I'm tired and my patience lacks
• when I know I could have spent a 30 seconds more preparing for the day
• when I compare how my students choose to follow to their peers-->it looks differently for each, doesn't it
• when I save challenging the "I can'ts" or "I don't knows" for tomorrow when today is right here
• when I don't believe that crazy inclination I have about doing something innovative, new or creative
• when I listen to the whining of my colleagues and allow it to interfere with the atmosphere I've created with my boys

I had the opportunity to sit with a veteran middle school English teacher (30+ years) and I asked her what kept her motivated.  She said her content.  While I agree that the nuances of literature can be fascinating, I think what keeps me motivated is the possibility that my boys give me opportunities to follow them.  From creative writing assignments to class discussions, the consistently reveal themselves.  I mean, there's no one like them (each boy is himself)...

Newly rejuvenated and pondering...

P.S.

First professional conference proposal submission:

Whole Language Umbrella of the National Council for Teachers of English...Las Vegas, NV in July 2011!

I'm excited :)

Google Doc It!

Ahhh...the respite that is Thanksgiving break.  In the frenzy that holiday season begets, it was nice to sit down and actually have time to read for pleasure.  Yes, I actually found the time and mental space to read a book that was highly recommended by a friend. 

Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years was an incredible metaphor for how the processes of the story actually mirrors life.  We are all characters, often prompted by "inciting incidents" and the climactic situations in order to force us along our personal journies.  It was a great read and I came back to The School lighter...a renewed perspective after being stagnant in a personal cesspool for too long.

Anywhoo...the first trimester is officially over and now I must begin the task of transcribing my class discussion and cataloging the data I've collected from the "Girl" unit I did with the boys a few weeks back.  I was supposed to do a focus group, but decided after the awesome discussion we had that it might be repetitive.  Hopefully, I won't regret not doing it.  Maybe I'll do some sort of summative thought/writing/feedback closer to the end of this project.

It's funny...I don't view this task as a project all that often.  It feels more like what I'm supposed to be doing as a teacher.  You know, thinking about how to engage my boys, listening to what they're saying (even if they've muted any audible utterances), and make everyday adjustments to how and what I "teach."  I like eavesdropping on their conversations and hearing especially when things are dry and boring.  My boys challenge me everyday to be creative and while not "all the world's a stage" everyday, I'd like to think that beyond critically interpreting characterization or learning grammar, they see some relevance to what I'm doing.

Recently, I introduced the "dreaded" research paper (3-4 pages is hardly anything to dread) and because I'm heading to a conference, I decided to use Google Docs to keep up to speed with the first steps.  It's been a good tool to use, though I haven't left for California yet.  I am able to immediately respond to emerging theses statements and brainstorms.  Plus, I can tell when the boys actually did their homework :)  For a while, I was hesitant about the "glitzy glam" of technology that seems oh so trendy in classroom nowadays.  If it didn't make the product or the process better, why use it.  I guess I'm taking baby steps...interestingly, though, I'm part of a generation that grew up with computers and cell phones readily available. 

Off to the West...

Dr. Kryptonite

I am often amazed by the stance many people (both within and outside the classroom) take with regards to education.  Everyone has a panacea for the ails of our nation's most "(dis)eased" organ.  If I were an antiquated physician, I'd be inclined to cut "it" off...you know get rid of the problem right at the infection site.  Too often, however, I've found that those outside the classroom and those jaded by their classroom experiences offer prognoses that take the shape of infected teachers.  Their views and ideas about what happens inside classrooms, between teachers, students, and policy are skewed.  Everyone has gone to school, so everyone has the "fix-it formula" necessary to make it work.  As a result, the prescriptions (merit based pay for teachers and students, lotteries, NCLB, chartering and privitization) only massage the wound(s) and prompt them to continue oozing.


I have a friend that works in the public health arena where preventive measures (and medicine) dominant the current psyche of professionals.  I wonder what would happen if such a stance were to surreptitiously permeate education's cell membrane.  What would happen, if by osmosis perhaps, if (dis)ease prevention became the perspective through which all education stakeholders [teachers, students, parents, the pursesnatchers] approached teaching and learning? 


Who knows?  In the meantime, all the prescriptive babble will continue to suffocate learning (in its essence).


Still Waiting for Superman...

Shifting Gears...

Wellness has returned...yeepie!!

It was a tough week personally, but my boys provided respite from the "daily grind" I am responsible for outside of The School.  The first unit of Listening In went extremely well and as we shift gears (Animal Farm) I look forward to the next unit.  Before that, however, transcription and focus group interviews must be conducted...ugghh.

Not much to say this week...the marking period is coming to a close and right now I'm just feeling good about my vocation.

Signing off...

Recording Meaning...

So 2010 germs must be magnetized and weirdly attracted to me...a new wave of Decepticons, I think.

In the past two weeks I have vomitted, haked up, coughed up, and blew out all types of nasty gunk.  I have never been this ill in my life (and I was a sickly kid).  Being an adult and sick is no fun, especially when it means I miss time with the boys.  Yesterday and last Friday (my last post) were two of those days. 

I didn't get a chance to implement my disguised discussion on Friday, but it did happen on Monday and I was amazed!  The boys were engaged(ing), thoughtful, and I didn't really have to facilitate much at all.  We talked about the story (big props to the silent peer discussion...worked like cake) in a way that I've rarely had the opportunity to do with students at this level.  I'm not one of those teachers that thinks middle schoolers are limited in any way, but my experience with older students didn't necessarily give me the best skill set for scaffolding discussions with students still relatively new to the analytical side of reading comprehension (or so I thought).  Having the boys work in pairs was very essential to the success of the general class discussion.  Each boy had an idea, feeling or bit of information that was valid and enhanced the talk.  We spent a good part of our long period (about 35 minutes) just talking.  Equally important, I think, were those daily assignments that "poked" at issues of gender.  Listing chores, stepping outside the boy box (a game we played for a few minutes in class), chronicling our daily schedules, observing our surroundings (both at home and in an all boys school) all had a role in making our discussion MEANINGFUL. 

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SIDEBAR: What is meaningful?  Where does meaning come from?  Well, for me it is a combination of co-production (actually doing) with critical thinking and awareness.  Using the work of Rosenblatt, Sameshima, and others, I want us (the boys and I) to make sense of what we read because it matters to who we are (becoming/will be).  While it may all sound a little esoteric, I think teaching literature (both the reading of and the writing of it) is a matter of co-creation.
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With an awesome discussion under our belts, I then assigned the semicolon short story.  Fusing grammar/syntax with creative writing, I asked to the boys to imitate Kincaid's style and use the semicolon to craft a story with the word "boy" in the title.  On Monday night (the day I gave the assignment), I had the opportunity to read the boys' stories as they sent them to me via GoogleDocs or email.  In the midst of mindless TV, I was laughing up a storm, thinking deeply, and moved to several, "Yes,"s, "Wow,"s and "I'm so prouds."  So many of the boys seemed to make meaning from the story.  They used their perspectives, lived experiences, and perhaps all the questions we pondered in class to create fantastic stories.  Some faithfully followed Kincaid's stylistic model,  while others went truly creative and used voice/character to make poignant assertions about the roles gender play in life and in literature.  Some fully embraced the complexities of their socialized gender ("This is who I am"); others problematized their roles (motivation vs. parental authority); and others skirted (literally) the issue by claiming those areas of themselves that could be considered feminine ("I help my mom cook and I like it").  Isn't that something?

I can't wait to dig deeper into their stories and transcribe the discussion. 

I'm back, but wellness is elusive right now ;)

Signing off...

Disguising Discussion...

Today The School celebrates Halloween...well, not so much celebrate, but we allow the boys to don their most creative costumes and have a middle school version of a Halloween Parade.  This morning, I was greeted by Pac-Man and a not-so friendly ghost, a huge "My name is..." name tag, a hoard of punk rock chics, a paper bag, and even a minature version of Jack Black's Nacho Libre character.  I decided that I'd be a Queen Bee, minus the tiara, of course.  What an awesome start to the day.

Yesterday (and borrowing a discussion tool from a colleague), I decided to try a partnered silent discussion with one of my English sections.  I haven't yet done it with the boys in my study, but I have a feeling it will go over well.  Using three critical questions that I initially put in my research protocol, I crafted a worksheet that would allow the boys to "discuss" important themes, symbols, and ideas in the short story, "Girl."  Yesterday, I found that by allowing the boys the time to think, write, and respond to each other (instead of getting lost in a whole class discussion), I am better able to assess their understanding and hear their voices.  Beyond this, the activity seems like it'd work well for prediscussion too.

I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes...

Signing off...

Does Standardization Inhibit Innovation and Creativity?? (from October 18th)

So today, while on the school bus back from a XC meet, I read an article by Susan Lytle about the intersections of professionalism and praxis that seem to miss the realm of teaching...at least from the perspective of misdirected folk.  She highlighted her experience reading about the work of a medical doctor.  How do doctors get better?  She posits that doctors work within their roles (i.e. do research) to best assess procedures and practices that could be better.  They are reflective, they make mistakes, and they teach each other.  Based on what seems to be constant reflection, she shows that teacher research is much like the work doctors do in order to be better.

After reading this article, I thought about my experience in a public school and teaching in alignment with the state's standard course of study.  Too often, I heard from colleagues (either in that state or elsewhere with standardized curricula) that they "had to teach to the test" or that they had no agency in what they taught because it [the books, novels, and poems in my case] did not resonate with them personally.  I'll admit that this wasn't a sentiment that escaped me.  My first year teaching British Literature felt like torture.  How could I effectively transmit the themes of The Canturybury Tales or Beowulf when I had no real interest in the language or the imagery the authors used?  It wasn't until the second time around (and a few failed lessons under my belt) that I realized the problem wasn't the texts.  Yes, too often my kids were only exposed to works by "dead, White, Protestant men," but I did have the authority (and the obligation I feel) to widen this perspective.

So, as I mesh Lytle's message on being better through teacher research (on of my goals for this project), I also think a shift in POV about what we teach is important.  This year, because I'm at The School, I have much more flexibility than I've ever had, but there are still standards, still classics that I must incorporate.  Does standardization inhibit innovation and creativity??

I don't think so.

Signing off..

Underway...

It's been a bit more than a week since my last post and Listening In is in full swing at The School.  The boys really seem interested in delving more into themselves as they explore characters, talk about what it means to be a young man, and engage with each other.

By happenstance I found a really interesting short story by Lois Gould titled, X: A Story of Childhood.  I'd already chosen my "gender" short story for this project, but I couldn't help using it.  The story centers on a baby raised in a unique experiment; could a child be raised  gender neutral?  In the story, Mom and Dad go against the grain in their interactions with Baby X (Mom teaches the baby about sports;  Dad encourages cooking and Barbies).  The boys were perplexed with such an idea at first.  They asked questions that centered around biology (genetic "sex") and how Baby X would fare in adolesence. We discussed the feasiblity of such an experiment and then I had the boys craft a "glimpse" of what life would be like for X as a teen.  What advantages or difficulties would X face?  What the boys produced was great.  It was one of their first creative writing opportunities and they exceled.  The story was a great prelude to short story chosen for the project, "Girl."

Yesterday, I decided to have the boys write down a typical day's schedule (from the moment the wake up until they fall asleep).  Last week, I'd asked the boys to think about how being a boy influenced their home lives.  Do they have specific responsibilities or chores?  Are they expected to carry themselves in a particular fashion (either at home or because of what they've been taught at home)?  The responses that I received were good, but they didn't necessarily get as specific as I'd hoped.  I decided to break down the task even further.  How could I get at those expectations, chores, and tasks without frankly saying that's what I was looking for?

I came up with a few things I could use for daily writing prompts:

• typical day's schedule
• manners learned at home or expected at home
• what does a mess look like?  smell like?  how would this compare to how a girl might answer this question?

The boys really enjoyed writing down their daily schedule.  When we discussed them, I asked what patterns did they observe?  Who determines what you do when?  What kind of routines do you have?  I learned that some loved watching the same tv show at the same time everyday.  Others had the exact same snack everyday.  Still more had responsibilities that actually broke gender stereotypes.  A few had cooking responsibilities or laundry duty.  Older brothers were entrusted to care for younger siblings, particularly girls.

After this task, I assigned Jamaica Kincaid's very short story, "Girl."  We've simultaneously been learning and writing with semi-colons/commas, so the boys have been quick to point out the grammatical nuances of the story.  Later this week, we'll discuss the story in depth.  I wonder if they'll see how each of the daily writing prompts (written from their male perspective) relates to the protagonist of the story?

Signing off...

Approval!!

Seamless and speedy...

Listening In: Boys and Curriculum Meaning Making is a GO!

The AllSpark??

So, I must admit I wasn't the hugest Transformers fan as a kid.  I was more inclined to watch He-Man and She-Ra or Thundercats.  Interestingly, though, I started teaching "for real" when the newest franchise of Transformer flicks bombarded the big screen a few years back.  It was almost a given that at any particular moment someone in one of my classes would ask, "Hey, Ms. Primus, do you mind if we call you Optimus Prime?"  Not really wanting to be aligned with a cartoon character, I initially brushed off the association and told my students back then, "No, it's okay, you can call me Ms. Primus or Ms. P" and didn't think much of it.  Every once in while, though, either while subbing or during an off moment (like a school football game) the Optimus Prime thing would come up randomly.

It wasn't until I started teaching at The School that I really forced myself to think about this cat named Optimus Prime.  Of course there's the obvious connection because of my last name, but maybe there could be more to it...who knew.  That year, as before, several students asked the same question, "Can we call you Optimus Prime"  and this time instead of brushing it off as a joke, I said maybe.  Being my quirky self, I actually went to the Hasbro website and did some research on this character...lame, I know.  But, he was particularly intriguing, especially given my vocation.  He's a Prime...from a long lineage of Primes, sworn to protect and lead by example...a little serendipitous considering my perspective on education.

In a recent graduate class, I mentioned to my peers that I became a teacher to be a non-conformist.  Most people don't believe me when I say that I tried to avoid this "job" as much as could given covert grooming (thanks Mom!) and personality tendencies that I have.  It wasn't that I thought teaching was a sub-par career choice...far from it!  Growing up and as I entered adulthood, I believed that teaching needed to be a "calling."  As cliche as it sounds, I didn't want to "mess kids up" or take on the magnitude of social and intellectual burdens that I'd observed so many of my teachers carry.  From the excellent to the inept (and I have had a few), the educators in my life have always been an inspiration.  I didn't know, especially because of peer pressure in college to do something more financially lucrative, if I wanted the responsibility to inspire...I didn't know if I'd have "it."

After trying my hand at other industries, I had to reflect on what mattered to me...

I thought back to the days when I "played school" with my siblings and cousins.  I thought about tutoring and being a camp counselor; I reflected on Parents' Nights as a high school Ambassador and days of RA training.  These moments, interacting with others, learning together, experiencing "stuff," were what mattered most.  The elusive "it" didn't seem to matter much anymore.  I enjoyed learning...especially learning with other people.  It was an experience that I wanted to replicate.

And so, why the AllSpark?  Why the penname?   I guess I believe that my students have the ability to transform the ordinary.  I take my role as an educator seriously...humility won't allow "leader" to enter my frame of reference, but I see myself as a facilitator.
For the longest time I've had the following quote as part of my email signature:
"The ability of writers to imagine what is not the self, to familiarize the strange and mystify the familiar, is the test of  their power."         ~Toni Morrison

As a teacher, this "power," this spark that I believe is inherent to my students is worth protecting...I'm not as sagacious as Optimus Prime and I don't have the ability to become a MackTruck.  But as we learn together (chessy, I know), and confront important questions, we can hopefully dismantle the Decepticons around us.

Signing off...

A History Lesson...

Earlier this summer, my advisor pushed me to think critically about why doing a study on boys' and curriculum meaning making (a jargon-esque term = what do boys get from the texts I pick in English class and how does their understanding translate to their writing?) mattered.  I reminisced over the course of several weeks in the summer and went back to when I started at The School...

As a new teacher, I didn't have the authority (or time) to inact major changes to the 8th grade English curriculum and inherited a pretty "standard" list of texts: The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas, Of Mice and Men, Animal Farm, Twelve Angry Men, and Romeo and Juliet.  I immediately sensed that there were voices missing...perspectives, ideas, and humor almost invisible.  After polling a few of my former students (I taught in the South for two years), I quickly decided on using The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian (Alexie) for the 2009-2010 school year and was determined to "reimagine" the cannonical texts I had inherited.  An early conversation with RJ, one of my students, I remembered, seemed to  periodically poke at my academic sensibilites throughout the year...

We'd just finished reading Twelve Angry Men, I think, and my ears rose to attention when I heard him grumbling about the play.  The words "boring" and "depressing" crept into my multitasking teacher frame and I called him out.  I wanted to know what he thought and asked what could be better.  I asked what he liked ("Sci-Fi") and it seemed to me that the student voice was also almost invisible in my classroom and it others.  I began having random conversations with students about reading and what kind of experiences they had in English classes.  What was "boring" and why did they think it was that way?  In an attempt to focus the incessant questions I bombarded myself with (and with the help of a colleague) I applied for a research grant.  I wanted to know a few things:

• What do boys "get" from English literature?
• What role can they play in the development of English curriculum?  Does it matter that they do?
• How do I (as a teacher) influence what they experience in class?

These were just a few of the questions.  My thoughts were jumbled and confused, but I knew that looking at this "situation" would be interesting.   Luckily, a group of my peers thought so as well and I was awarded the grant for the 2010-2011 school year.

And so, my works begins...well, not exactly.  It is October when I'm supposed to start this project, but I still have to get through the Institutional Review Board process...whew!

Why the Blog?

In an age when contact with the opinions of others is no longer a choice, it took a long time for me to decide whether or not a blog (or any type of digital journal) would be the best means for me to record my thoughts and observations this school year...

As an English teacher (don't hold me to proper grammar and syntax), I'd always been a fan of the 'ol trusty pen and paper, but this year...this year in particular, I was prompted to record, what would have otherwise been transcribed in a perfectly functional leather bound and lineless journal, onto this blog.  I caved, but for good reason I might say.

This year, unlike previous school years, I had the wonderful opportunity to become my own guinea pig and bring a group of unlikely students along with me.  Becoming a teacher-researcher has its perks, but I knew when drafting my proposal that coding data from handwritten notes would be hell.  So, while aligning myself with this "push toward 21st century skills" would be admirable, I was much more concerned with the ease of coding that a digital blog would provide.

And so, this blog is dedicated to the whims of mind that I (and my students) take as we "transform" our understanding, interactions, and processes of creation in our 8th grade English classroom.

The moniker was their predecessors' gift to me and is almost appropos for this endeavor.

Signing off...