Is It Me...

As I think about my role as a teacher at The School (I've been in one of those reflective spaces), I wonder is it me?

Seriously, one of my instructors problematized or should I say, challenged how I'd previously thought about this project.  While I wasn't naive in thinking that my presence in the class, who I am as a Black female psuedo-revolutionary :) [lol] wouldn't have ANY effect on how they engaged with the texts we read, I don't think I truly wrapped my brain around answering the question, "Well if that's the case, then to what extent IS IT ME?" 

Although I've already collected data for the first unit, I wonder:

• Did I inadvertently skew how my boys interpreted "Girl?"
• Did I under/overemphasize aspects of gender without even realizing it?  What did I take for granted? 
• Did my "need" to simplify the terminology give away my aims?
• Would someone who was my polar opposite (white male cannon toter) elicit similar responses?
• Did I pay enough attention to the silences that my own racial/gendered identity could have missed?

Keeping these questions in mind as I analyze my data will be key. 

hmmm...

That Crazy Follower...

This past weekend and for part of last week, I attended the NAIS PoC Conference.  It was time well spent in sunny San Diego, re-evaluating the space(s) I occupy as a person of color in a predominately white context.
While the whole "who am I?" mode of thinking isn't new to me, there were a few gems that I gathered while among my colleagues (both of color and not).

The first came from a TedTalk on following and  the power/influence being a follower has.  I wasn't familiar with this particular TedTalk, but it was powerful.  Followers fuel the causes of leaders.  They determine, in large part, whether a movement actually goes anywhere.  It was interesting to sit in the audience and think, why then do we constantly tell kids they should be leaders and not followers?  I've been pondering this question for several days.

I mean, isn't this exactly what we want/expect our students to do when we "get up there and teach?"  We want them to believe in us, even if we're a little bit crazy.  We want them to trust the journey and learn with us.  We want them to be followers.  Almost counterintuitively, however, we stifle their ability to follow well.  I began to think about the inadvertent ways I do this sometimes:

• when I'm tired and my patience lacks
• when I know I could have spent a 30 seconds more preparing for the day
• when I compare how my students choose to follow to their peers-->it looks differently for each, doesn't it
• when I save challenging the "I can'ts" or "I don't knows" for tomorrow when today is right here
• when I don't believe that crazy inclination I have about doing something innovative, new or creative
• when I listen to the whining of my colleagues and allow it to interfere with the atmosphere I've created with my boys

I had the opportunity to sit with a veteran middle school English teacher (30+ years) and I asked her what kept her motivated.  She said her content.  While I agree that the nuances of literature can be fascinating, I think what keeps me motivated is the possibility that my boys give me opportunities to follow them.  From creative writing assignments to class discussions, the consistently reveal themselves.  I mean, there's no one like them (each boy is himself)...

Newly rejuvenated and pondering...